As you grow up, no one ever tells you how heavy a goodbye feels until it comes, nor how quiet and quick “the last time” of something can be. It’s not dramatic or loud; it’s quiet and slowly creeping up between the last conversations, the last hug between two friends, the last bell to leave school, and the empty desk. It’s the realization of what we once thought was so far away now being so near.
We always thought there’d be more time. More mornings to sleep through alarms, more late nights complaining about work rather than actually doing it, more messing around with those friends we grew close to, more days that felt safe in their sameness. However, as we grow up time doesn’t ask before it leaves, it just goes. It takes the people, moments, and versions of us that we will never get again. It leaves you holding onto only fragments—a sound, a laugh, a memory, an inside joke—anything that proves we experienced it.
Now what I thought was so far, which was my freshmen year, has finally come. Although I always said I was ready to leave, grow up, and experience new things, I now write this and find myself asking for one more day, nothing more but one more day to spend it with the people I have now, the friends who turned into family, the teachers who made classes worth it (even if the homework gave me many sleepless nights), and to spend it at the place where most of my greatest experiences happened.
Freshman year felt like a breeze in a sense. It was like stepping into a new world. It was a mix of fear and excitement, with new halls, unfamiliar faces, and more things to explore. The biggest things for me that year were small but important: I found all my classes, I didn’t enter the wrong class, my teachers were nice, I had friends in my classes, and I just didn’t embarrass myself. I think it’s safe to say that these all went to plan, if not better than expected. I made many new friends this year and they became some of the best friends I could ask for.
Sophomore year is where you can say it gets serious. I’m not saying freshman year wasn’t—I still put in my best effort, but sophomore year gives you a taste of AP classes and things are more familiar. Sophomore year was my growth year. I learned new things, grew from my mistakes, and pushed through finishing my homework after a long night’s rehearsal. This is when I really learn the importance of balancing school and personal life. It felt like if I slacked off even once, I’d end up having trouble trying to get back into the cycle. That is what sophomore year felt like: a routine, a cycle, like a hamster on a wheel. If he stops he’ll lose that routine, fall and take time to get back up. Still, it was a great year, I spent it with some amazing people. This is the year I learned how heavy saying goodbye was. June came and I had to say goodbye to some amazing people, not knowing when I would see them again. I was like a baby who got their candy taken away when I was hugging and saying goodbye to my best friends; I was sobbing.
Junior year was a mix of emotions. It felt like the longest and most intense chapter in high school. At this point, you aren’t new to school; you’ve been in it for two years already. There was so much weight to every decision, every test, every late-night talk. I learned a lot during this year, not just academically, but also who I can count on when things feel hard. Junior year was my best year. I grew some great connections with others and experienced things I never thought I would. I spent an unforgettable week in another state with amazing friends, teachers, and especially a best friend of mine. That week is always crazy to reflect on. That is where I realize, every late night talk, every joke, every laugh, every moment spent together, that time will fly by and in the blink of an eye, it will all just be a memory that we will look back on and smile at. Junior year taught me so much bittersweet truth; life will move forward whether we’re ready or not. Every “ordinary” day will one day hold memories we didn’t realize we will one day miss.
Then came senior year. Half way through my senior year, I have created good memories and met many more people and enjoyed most of my “senior days” so far. When it came to applying to colleges, it was nice to be able to go on and begin choosing what college and what I plan to study after high school…it was a bit stressful but once I finished it, it was relieving. The whole process just showed me so much and I still have a bit more to do. I never thought this year was going to come this fast, It’s crazy when I hear it. As a senior, every single day is one day closer to the next step, which is crossing the stage on graduation night. This year still has more to offer, and I learned that everything matters but sometimes I need to know when not to overwhelm myself, because soon I will be at the end and will regret not living in the moment. I am not ready for everything to be my last: last performance, last rehearsal, last bell, last hangout, last everything. All that in mind, you learn to just enjoy every small thing, because all those small things go unnoticed until it’s the only thing you have to focus on.
Although senior year seems so far, I’ll tell you right now that it’s closer than you think. One day you’ll be laughing with your friends, and the next, you’ll be crossing that stage with tears in your eyes, missing every single memory you made with everyone.
