Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had no responsibilities. I would actually be able to take a deep breath. The feeling of always being stressed makes me feel vulnerable. It seems that I always have to be mature. So many responsibilities are forced upon me. I work towards goals like a high GPA, no matter what it takes, just so I am able to fit up to many people’s expectations. It can get tiring, but I simply push myself more everyday.
I still have so many other things to deal with. School especially has felt like a heavy weight on my back. I push myself to keep the best grades possible only to make people like my family happy.
I tend to be so hard on myself. I feel that I have to give my all into everything. One wrong decision can affect me so much. One wrong move throughout my day can stick with me for even the rest of the week.
I’ve tried to escape all this chaos by doing something I enjoy. I tried doing a sport but I still find myself questioning if I am good enough. Seeing other people doing things I cannot do makes me question if I should even be there.
All these responsibilities feel like so much on me, I can fall down any day. I question what to do just to make myself feel better. I look for someone to talk to, but feel like no one will understand me. I feel as if they will stare at me in disbelief and it will only look like I am complaining about everything. I do not want to seem like a crazy person so I just keep everything to myself. I feel as if I am bottling everything up inside of me and there is nothing to make it better.
Everything I’ve been through only makes me question if I am good enough, especially when I sit down and think about how I am only 16 years old. I feel too stressed at such a young age. I can only wonder what the future holds.