Ask Klarissa


Image Credit: Daisy Hernandez

klarissa, ???????

Hey Selma Bears! How’s April going for y’all? Mine is going okay-ish. All the work I’ve been holding off on doing seems to all be due this month, so that hustle will be pretty interesting to see play out. Anyways, let’s answer some questions!

  • Any love interest yet? All up in my business for what. But, if you must know, no. I am still on the search for a lover. Nah, I’m just playing. I’ve actually come to the conclusion that I am just too perfect for a match.
  • My science teacher says I talk too much. How do I stop? Over Zoom girl? Do not get angry with me, but if a teacher tells you that you talk too much OVER ZOOM, I’m afraid your problem is beyond fixing. 
  • Are you part of the in-person class students? I decided not to go back in-person because if I’m in-person, who’s going to be home to be the funny/perfect/entertaining sibling.
  • What is one insecurity you have? Being too perfect. Just imagining the stress my kids will endure trying to be as great as me makes me feel guilty. 
  • Give us a hint about who you really are? No can do. Gotta keep my fans on their toes.
  • Thoughts on the COVID vaccine? I mean I’m no doctor, but it seems legit. 
  • What do you eat in a day? Food. I’m not fifty years old; I don’t plan out my meals. Though I will say that so far today, I’ve had my famous scrambled eggs and bacon with an interestingly tasting avocado, popcorn, a popsicle, and rice with lentils. 
  • I’m usually a straight A student, but my grades consist of A’s, B’s, and C’s this year. Should I be worried? Worried you’re passing your classes? No! Girl passing is passing, and the fact that you’re worrying about passing with different grades—that I must add are good grades nonetheless—is absurd. You are doing wonderful given all this COVID craziness. In case no one has said it to you recently, I am proud of you.

My brother called me smelly. What do I do? Um. I’m no expert and this is just off the top of my head, but have you tried showering. I heard it washes off all sorts of smells. And, in case you don’t want to take my word for it, showering has been awarded a solid 10/10 on Reddit by the Reddit Gods.