Growing up, the dark always seemed frightening and uncertain. The idea of being basically blind, unable to see the space around you—or even worse, what’s lurking within that space absolutely terrified me (and honestly still does). I was one of those kids who would have to pee in the middle of the night, and sprint to the bathroom and flick on the light, then flick it off and race back beneath my covers out of pure terror of being caught by what I couldn’t see.
My room always had one of those sliding door closets, and somehow, someone ALWAYS left it halfway open. For the eyes of an imaginative kid, I would make out the figure of a tall man standing inside my closet, watching me sleep (I named him Mr. Tallguy). I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Why didn’t you just close the closet door?” But let me ask you this: Are you going to walk up to what you believe is a threat to your life and attempt to hinder its ability to watch you? No! Unlike some of you, I actually have enough common sense to run away from a threat (I would survive a horror movie). Of course, I now realize that the man was just the shape of my clothes and other items sitting in the closet, but for a small child, that’s terrifying.
I also believed that monsters lingered in the dark and could be standing directly behind me, breathing down my neck, and I would be completely blinded to it. When I would walk through the dark, I would thrash and kick in front of me before moving forward (that’s a pretty hilarious visual) just to make sure I wasn’t waltzing directly into the domain of a ravenous monster, awaiting a delectable meal.
I also happened to be one of those kids who believed in all the 3 A.M. demon stuff (I used to watch those “scary” YouTube videos, which were honestly our brainrot), so if I ever woke up in the middle of the night, I’d just automatically assume it was 3 A.M. and demons were waiting to catch me. To combat this, I would pull my covers over my entire body, leaving nothing for the supposed demons to attack. With that being said, I would purposefully overheat myself for around 2-3 hours almost every night and be a sweaty mess (I also have hyperhidrosis, which doesn’t help).
Now, I’m no longer afraid of Mr. Tallguy or monsters catching me in the darkness. I’ve come to terms with the fact that monsters aren’t real, but I have grown deathly afraid of someone breaking into my house and just lurking beneath the shadows, waiting to attack. Maybe some fears never fade.
