Everything at some point has to come to an end, and for me, that ending is slowly but surely creeping upon me. The realization that I am truly no longer a kid is wild to me. I mean not long ago I was just in middle school getting kicked out of my Spanish class for falling asleep on a Zoom call–to now facing some of my final months with my family before I go off to college. This will be the first time I’m away from all I know, the faces, the people, the traditions will all be different.
Even though I am excited to go away and pursue the career of my dreams there is a little part of me that feels guilty. Guilty for not choosing that local college, for not choosing to just work, and overall for abandoning my family. I know I can come back for breaks but it won’t be the same as coming home knowing that at five in the afternoon, without a doubt my mother will be there cooking dinner. That at two in the morning, I won’t be rudely awakened by my brother getting back from work, as he rips my blanket off of me just to annoy me. Followed by my dad telling him “ya dejala dormir” and dragging my brother out of my room.
Although it is bittersweet, I know that this is an opportunity that only a few people get. I mean only so many can say they go to the number one public university (obviously Berkeley). In all honesty, there are many things I am afraid of, failure, losing connections with those I care about, but now the scariest thing to me is losing time.
I’ve lost so much time worrying about the past and the future that it caused me to lose precious time–time I will never get back. I worry a lot about the “what ifs” so much that I forget to also live in the moment. If I had to give one piece of advance it would be to learn to perceive yourself before anything. Understand that we are human beings and not just some robots withouta shut-off button.
When I start to fall out of touch with reality, I try to sense the inside of my hand, like under my skin, really focusing on grounding myself to know that I really am alive. As corny as that may sound it is easy to lose your sense of self, especially when things start to pile up. It offers a weird comforting feeling and for a moment, I’m able to get out of my head and give myself a brief moment of peace before continuing a task. It is a reminder that in the end–I am just a person.
As my parents grow older, I do as well, there are many things I want to do for them to show them that I care. I want to be able to buy them their own home, make my mother the garden of her dreams, and give my father the ranch he always wanted. Even though I am terrified of becoming an adult I know I must, if not for me, for my parents. They gave up everything they knew for me and now I must do the same. Am I scared? Yes, but I know that God will guide me through it all, through the many hardships down the road. However, in the end it’ll all be worth it.
I would like to thank all of my friends who have been there for me through tough times, I will forever be greatly grateful for those whom I call my friends. Thank you for putting up with all my random crash outs. Whether it may have been over a test or one of my shows,I greatly appreciate it. Thank you to all my teachers who guided me through this chapter of my life, for working with me when I reached out for help, for staying after school to explain a topic I didn’t understand (sorry Mrs.Peña). Don’t even get me started on Mr. Ly—man, he is the best. Always helped me out with anything I had questions on and always offered a great support system. I will never forget the stories my teachers would tell me, from the stories where Mr.Castle crashed into a tree, to the random lore drops Mrs. Long would give. All I can say is how truly grateful I am for the people I met at Selma High. If you take anything away from this article just know that high school will be what you make of it. I complained, I cried, pulled all-nighters, and in the end, it was the people around me that made my high school experience a good one. Well, that’s it I’m going to crash out about my AP exams now.
