Life is a constant challenge, and as one grows it won’t get easier. Holidays, birthdays, and celebrations will never feel the same, no longer will that childish wonder fill the air. When I was young I was always excited to be a “grown up” to be 18, an age I thought would define me as a person. Yet here I stand trying to figure who I am as an individual, wishing to go back to the times where the only thing that mattered to me was knowing what cartoon was coming up next.
As time goes by, more and more expectations are placed on me, not only am I facing questions such as “what do you want to do in the future?” or “how many children do you want?” but I myself don’t even know the answer to these questions. I barely even know what I’m going to do in the next couple hours, yet I’m expected to know what I want to do with my life? Even with this in mind I am grateful that I get to experience growing older, as it is a privilege. Growing and being able to experience change is such a bittersweet feeling, both containing that excitement of what’s to come, but that melancholy feeling of letting go of the past.
Being the daughter of immigrant parents, academics have always been a huge part of my life. I believe that as a student my primary job is to do the best I can and bring home the best grades possible. That is my simple way of repaying them (for now) for all they have done for me, the countless nights and hours they spent working hard to provide for our family. I feel it is my duty to show them that their work doesn’t go unnoticed. However, from all the years of taking challenging courses, pulling all-nighters, and cancelling plans to study for a big test, I now realized that by trying to live up to the expectations I placed on myself, I have completely lost sense of who I am as an individual.
I guess what I’m trying to get at is that yes, take the time in providing the best work you possibly can give, but simultaneously don’t lose sense of who you are. Have fun and enjoy life, spend time with family and friends as these times are limited.
The thing that keeps me up at night is the fact that as I grow up, my parents do as well. I would like to believe that my mother and father will always be around to comfort me when I need them, but I know someday they won’t be present. That in itself is terrifying. I work hard so that someday I will be able to repay them and tell them that I am forever grateful for them.
As a senior, I am now facing the last months of my high school experience and even through all of its ups and downs I am grateful for everything I have learned. In many instances I learn how to manage not only frustration from an assignment but most importantly frustration when dealing with toxic individuals.
I have grown and learned a lot from multiple experiences, but there is still a lot of room left for growth and improvement. I aspire to someday, become the individual I want to be and be happy with whatever it is I pursue in the future. I am both excited and terrified of what’s to come, but I know that either way life will at the very least be manageable. Even so I will always look back into the past from time to time and enjoy the memories I made along the way. Though those versions of myself are no longer me, they helped me be who I am today.
For any individual out there who may be reading this, know that you are still young, and there is a great path ahead of you. Who you are now won’t determine who you can become in the future. Enjoy life to the fullest, have fun (safely, of course), enjoy your time as a kid, because one day today will just be a memory. Don’t compare yourself to others, just do what you can and don’t limit yourself, for there is a huge world out there waiting to be explored.
