Since the commence of my infancy I can recall the disability that breathed its own attachment of strings into my quotidian life. This facet of my life has made me feel as though I have undergone through a chimera of a seemingly slow-motion, insurmountable sentimental and physical havoc that once wreaked its instantaneous impact. As a young child, this condition had opened the doors of a divergence of widespread barriers that encompassed a profound sense of searching, wondering, and unnerving echoes in the terrors of dark that came from the optics of others.
Impaired by my youth, I would let myself substantially plunge into the getaway reveries that replayed the haunted binded words of “if only,” as I became misplaced by the “what ifs,” and afflicted by the not knowing. At arbitrary times it seemed as though the child within me would get lost into the margins of seeing it for what it is, but diving right down into the trances that turned me into an idea of sorts. Abundance of thoughts and reflections crossed the labyrinths of my mind where the footsteps would speak to unravel the peculiar and pitted feeling of yearning for the non existing source to completely alternate my life at times. The flushed emotion of sinking in transformed from being a burden that weighed me down, to my soul cocooning itself in a place of consolation with an intact heart of acceptance.
Beyond the banes of physical and emotional weariness, as I gradually grew, life became a blooming of catharsis and a flow of mitigated senses coruscating over me. The trails I once walked upon as my younger self became hazy as I turned to navigate the world in a differing manner from my old manners that tethered me from growing beyond the grapples and hardships. By shifting my belief systems and subsisting the thoughts of this disability, it turned me into a new kind of ecstasy. Without taking a step back, I wouldn’t have learned to flourish into an awakening state of connectedness to the masterpiece of carving our genuine, liberated selves. Coming from moments where I would momentarily halt to think of all things I didn’t obtain in my grasp, I now attempt to live life to its fullest and not be defined by something that can truly be exquisite. I felt no longer unmoored as the mercurials of my condition dwindled when I perched into the daylight.
Both you and I will always be exposed to the throbbing waves of torments burrowed beneath us, but these screaming scars are what have made you aware of how full of life one can be. The careless laughs, late calls or texts, and dazzling smiles with maroon blood rushed into cheeks can go beyond the perplexities one can face. I am so fortunate to have met the people I have today and form mystical, unspoken bonds with them because of the way my life ultimately weaved itself into. I am now encircled by a stable bliss and a bountifulness of people who I am grateful to be with in the long anecdote of my life, even with the chance of meeting idiosyncratics whose experiences are so kindred in a way to me.
Never forget the way it makes you heal as the memories sweetly stained into me might have never come if this was not to be. Through the ventures of choosing new views, and embracing differences and people in my journey, I have crossed paths with I have found so much beauty in all that I have.
