Time flies and it seems like the worries stay. The integration of different types of students was fearful when middle school began. I sat there with my heart racing and stomach churning, I would always think to myself, “What is this feeling?” Looking around I would wonder if anybody else was feeling the same way as I was. Was I really the only person that would have to ask to go to the restroom to catch a breath?
Walking down the halls I always felt eyes staring, I began to second guess everything about myself. Whether it was the shirt I picked out that very morning, or the way my hair was parted, or even the way I walked in general; I was picking myself apart.
High school started and felt no different. I cared about the way I looked and felt the same sense of uneasiness as I walked through the halls. I constantly asked myself why I had to feel like this, and why I couldn’t just feel secure. After many months of targeting myself, the biggest realization I faced was that the hardest person in my life was me.
I made it my personal goal to branch out and push myself out of my comfort zone. I realized that learning to live my life, with what I learned was only anxiety, would help me move forward. I chose to face my struggles, move forward, and learn how to embrace myself. The worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself for the way you’re wired. I now know that my worries and fears do not define me, they only make me work harder.
Meeting new people was the best thing I could have ever done for myself, and although it was tough, it helped me realize that I shouldn’t be scared. Everyone is in the same boat, never belittle yourself because you think you are not worthy, because YOU ARE.
Putting myself out there made me realize that nobody actually cares. Everyone is so focused on themselves, and so focused on their own lives that they don’t have the time to look around and focus on others. (If they do, then they’re just haters and that says a lot more about them than you!!)
Who cares about what you wear? Nobody. Who cares about your GPA? Nobody. Who cares about where you come from? Nobody. Who cares about you more than themselves? NOBODY.
I will not lie to you and say that I don’t tend to feel self-conscious about myself some days, but I can tell you how free I have felt from realizing that I live for myself and not for the perception of others. Live for yourself, enjoy yourself, and do not tear yourself down!!!
