Sometimes it still terrifies me that no matter where I move to, what scenery I live in, or at what pace I go, I’ll see the same face in every mirror. In my brain, I’ll only ever have my thoughts. I’ve been so scared that the things I struggle with now will be a battle for the rest of my life. I’m afraid of being sad forever, never finding balance or happiness. My biggest fear, however, is letting those things stand in the way of a successful future because I want to go to college, study, make friends, get a job, live in a dorm, and someday create my own home.
Considering colleges away from my home and family here changed my perspective on many of these fears. All the ways I would need to be independent, blossoming in my mind, pushed me to start being more responsible. It helped me deal with my anxiety as I realized someday soon, I would be having to deal with all my problems by myself. Despite everything that’s happened in my life, I will be the only person there for me in the future, indefinitely. I never thought of how inspiring that could be. Yes, the rest of my life could be miserable, or it could be beautiful, and it is for me to find out what kind of path I’ll pave. Graduation is just the first step on that path. I’m excited to get my diploma at the end of the year and my bachelor’s at the end of the following four because it will be something beautiful to add to my life, something I worked hard for.
College may give me the freedom to find the social and academic pursuits Selma High can’t offer, but college isn’t letting go of everything I’ve learned here either. Freshman me wished I could stay clear of school and be on Zoom in my bedroom forever. Sophomore me hoped that I could blend in the crowd of a big friend group. Junior me thought that if I were better in school, in sports, or in everyday interactions, it would better hide my flaws. Senior me knows that that kind of hiding away isn’t how people grow.
Being on the swim team for all four years helped me come to the same conclusion. Even though I’ll always love to swim, I feel myself losing the adrenaline and competitiveness I once had in the water. I’ve been so passionate about aquatics, but as I’m getting older, I’m also ready to find the endeavors the future has in store for me—ones that I can dedicate myself to and find pleasure in like I once did with the sport.
Much of this growth mindset has come from Ms. Manter, my favorite teacher. She encourages me to put my dreams into the universe, as crazy as it sounds to me. She got me to look at universities, encouraged me to come to school every day when my attendance was at its lowest rate, relayed to me the importance of advocating for myself, and did it all with sunshine radiating from her. I credit her for the origin of many of my goals, and I aspire to accomplish them with determination and positivity, as I have learned from her. I’ve gained hope that growing up and facing my next chapter in education isn’t something I have to dread, but an experience in which I’ll get to incorporate what I’ve learned with whatever lifestyle I have to come. I’m so grateful to her and every individual who has helped me become the graduate I’ll be in June.
