Sometimes I Cry, or am I Just Dramatic?

Growing up, I felt as though I was always in a one sided competition with my older sisters. If they did something, I had to do it too—and better. If they won an award, for example, I would have to win one as well. Although I’m unsure if they knew they were in this imaginary competition with me. It always felt like they were.
They would complete tasks that would stress me out with ease, winning the attention from my parents and our family. I always felt pushed to the side, no matter how hard I tried.
Although I’m certain that they did struggle behind closed doors, it was never too clear. To me, they were effortlessly perfect at everything they did while I was very far from it.
This led to me to start hiding how I felt, acting like I was fine all the time. I would never show I struggled with things, even if I had no idea what I was doing. Now because of that, I now lack the ability of knowing how to properly express or control my emotions.
This now leads me to carry not only my own burdens, but the burden of other people as well, to the point I can’t say “no.” I’m afraid to disappoint people, even those I don’t know.
If I went above and beyond and received praise for what I did, I would break down in tears over the stress of feeling like I messed up one minor thing.
When I start anything, I over-analyze every detail because it’s the only thing I can control—every word that comes out of my mouth, the tone of the words I say and the way my body acts—all change because I don’t process my emotions and thoughts. Inevitably, I break down once again.
The words that were engraved into my mind were, “you’re just being dramatic.” This evolved into “I’m just being dramatic.”
Every time I felt pain, stress or loneliness, it was always “I’m being dramatic.” Why would I feel like this if my sisters never did? Why would I struggle so much if others never did?
“I’m just being dramatic.”
Then, the feelings of all the emotions turned into the impression that I was weak, because how could I feel like this? Why would I feel like this? What made me feel like this?
The hardest part of this is trying to navigate through all the emotions, simultaneously. It feels as if I’m in a never-ending maze, where every turn is wrong, with nowhere to go and no way out.
However as time went on I’ve realized that the way to escape this never ending maze is to look to the people you know you can rely on. Those people are your light in the darkness, the people that can straighten out your thoughts so the once never ending maze is a straight path to your better future.