Lots of people have fears, like the fear of spiders, drowning in the ocean, falling from a high building. These are all arguably rational. But my fear is… little dogs.
Yes, you heard me. The little chihuahua that you have in your home barking all day, acting like they own the entire world.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “How can anyone be scared of something that could easily be mistaken for a stuffed animal?” Honestly, I don’t even know what has caused this fear. However, I’ve somehow still come to the undeniable conclusion that small little dogs are basically the evil minions of the animal kingdom. I’m so convinced that they will dominate the world one day, one tiny bark at a time. These miniature monsters may fit in your handbag, but beware, they’ll soon be plotting to take over the world.
First of all, the moment you encounter one of those ankle-biters, you have to act as if you are in the presence of a royalty. FREEZE! And look down until acknowledged by one of those squeaky barks, otherwise you will be bit. It’s like meeting the Queen of England; you have to crouch, coo, and pretend like their yappy little existence is the most important thing in the world, all while hoping to the gods that you don’t get a little snagged tooth to your eye. If you don’t do all of this nonsense, you will be judged. Judged by the harsh side-eyes not only of the owner, but by THE DOG, of not liking it. Let’s be honest, no one wants to be known as the hater of a poor, little puppy.
Enough of that though, let’s now discuss the physical aspect. These pint-sized furballs are like heavy duty chainsaws, waiting to annihilate you in your path. You take a quick step, and there they are, ready to eat you alive with their teeny, yet deviously positioned mouth. It’s not just their little size; it’s the determination to put up a facade of the don of the block. They have the courage of lions in their little bodies, having no bounds known to them.
And don’t even get me started on their barking! A tiny dog can unleash a bark that ought to put the biggest German Shepard to shame. It’s as if they’re barking through the biggest megaphone one can find, and consistently like an annoying alarm. I can’t help but feel like I’m in the middle of interrupting their day.
As you can imagine, my friends find my fear both amusing and baffling. Sometimes I’ll go over to my best friend’s house, just to find her tiny dogs waiting for me to arrive at the front door, planning their evil demise for me. I try to convince myself that I can just step on these rodents if I have to, but they always get the best of me with their sinister, beady eyes.
So, there you have it, I fear my life will be taken away from some little dog, the overlords of chaos. While others may be awed over their debatable cuteness, I remain stern, knowing that one day they’ll reveal their true, world-conquering intentions. This may sound ridiculous, but I’d rather take my chances up with a spider or a goofy clown. Until then, I’ll keep tiptoeing around them, hoping that they don’t bite my ankles off anytime soon.
