Finale or Finally?

Is this really it?
While I am aware this is my final year of high school, and possibly yours too, I still haven’t come to terms with it. I’m not quite ready to part from this era of my childhood, the combination of wanting more while also wishing to go back to the immature, simpler time of my life is conflicting.
I look back on the years past and realize how much I have and will continue to cherish as an adult. The memories and experiences I’ve had in the past two years are probably my favorite and will stay my favorite for the year to come. Ah, notice how I said two and not three? My freshman year, along with that of the remainder of the class of 2024, was through the glass of a Chromebook and from the seat of my living room couch. Not much of an experience, at least not one you’d want to remember. But, freshman year is never much of an amazing experience for anyone now, is it? Nonetheless, I find myself seeking more from high school.
Now that I’m on my last chance, I realize I need to make the most of it. Especially since it was cut short a year. My favorite moments always include my closest friends, in or out of school. As well as some of my favorite teachers. But on a more personal note, being able to come to terms with my achievements is by far the most important goal of this year. I have yet to earn straight A’s during high school, but I have a feeling this year will get me there. Putting grades aside, independence is something I’ve been looking for in myself.
The ability to take care of myself during and after college is something that is a bit intimidating. The thought of being all alone and responsible for everything I do is both frightening and also exhilarating. I say this as if I am still a small child, I often feel like one. But I’ve recently realized just how mature and independent I’ve become already. Just this summer I had my first job, I got a paycheck and everything. I also got my drivers permit, although I’m not the best at driving, I am still so much further than I expected myself to be. Now I’m applying to colleges and scholarships and all those fun things that come with your last year of highschool.
But I still can’t imagine leaving.
I can’t imagine walking into a brand new school, with people I have never seen before, and possibly in a new town I’ve never lived in. It is especially difficult considering I don’t know where I’ll end up going. The possibilities range from Monterey, to LA, or maybe just staying local for the first few years. The unknown path I’ll take next year all depends on my performance within the next few months. The thoughts of essays, GPAs, and deadlines swim around my mind day and night. The inescapable responsibilities I now have will affect the beginning of my adulthood, and possibly the rest of my life. The option to run away childishly is no longer available for me, and that scares me.
It feels as though my childhood is slipping away from me. This feeling hit me when my parents abruptly sold my house last year, along with my childhood pet. It was definitely the biggest change I’ve had to experience in my life. Now, with my childhood room, my beautiful backyard, and even my pet gone, I have to face change and accept there is no going back. The comfort of familiarity is gone and now I am being pushed into the real world. But even through the hardships of change, I think I have benefited from the situation. In a way it prepared me for the next chapter I will face in life. But I am also excited for change. And since the fate of my future rests on the shoulders of my seventeen-year-old self, I hope I am appreciative and thankful in the future for my current efforts.
I hope it is all worth it.