Look No Further: Zodiac Sign Soulmates

Hello, you guys.
As some of you loners may know, Valentine’s Day is approaching. I thought to myself, why help some people out by providing sign compatibility instead of you guys actually talking to the person (like normal people). I have little to no knowledge of this stuff, so I hope to offend some of you people reading this. 🙂
Gemini: You guys are always angry and arrogant, so I’ve heard. You will want someone patient and understanding for your ridiculous moods like an “Aquarium” or Leo.
Pisces: Google said the most compatible sign was a Libra. Can’t argue with Google.
Aries: There ain’t no hope for y’all. Don’t even try. No one will ever like you.
Cancer: Firstly… the name??? Cancer? For real, couldn’t come up with anything better?Anyways, you guys are supposed to be compassionate and goofy (goofy looking, for sure) so an Aquarius is probably best for you.
Libra: You have found your “one” and are with them.
Sagittarius: You are allowed to get with anyone. Choose wisely however.
Capricorn: Capricorns are interesting. You are impulsive and emotionally cold, weird. You are most compatible with a fellow Capricorn.
Taurus: Do NOT get with an Aries. Your Mars, Jupiter, sky stuff, or whatever is it, is off and it will not work.
Aquarius: You little Aquarius people pretty much consider yourself better than everyone else. So with that in mind, find your soulmate by yourself, prep.
Virgo: Virgos are messy and never follow through with any of their plans. If you get a date and don’t cancel on them at the last minute (because of your amazing overthinking skills), at least make sure the person is a Scorpio.
Scorpio: Uhh, I don’t know what to put for y’all. Ima just say get with a Cancer or something.
Leo: Get with a Taurus. I read that they’re your biggest enemy and are toxic. But hey, at least they’ll keep you intrigued and on your toes. This would be interesting to watch…
Hopefully I was able to help you out a little bit. Happy Valentine’s Day!