Sometimes I Cry: Mourning Motivation

Idleness belongs to a negative sphere of connotation which includes laziness, promiscuity, and failure. Our western society instead worships productivity, its propaganda hiding beneath affluent men and instagram influencers. “Successful” individuals promote action and competition, urging consumers to work harder than their contemporaries and rise above them.

The endless “Day in My Life” videos or “this is a reminder to…” threads are vicious. They preach about using Google Calendar and making your bed, as if it’ll solve world hunger. This pursuit of productivity seems alluring, but unattainable due to my greatest enemy, motivation. Motivation is an indecisive nuisance with which I can be brilliant, but without which I am fated to impassivity.

As a senior, there’s an endless To-Do List in the back of my mind, hounding all my decisions. I have to apply for FAFSA, apply for college, hunt for scholarships, focus on school, and participate in extracurriculars. With so much to do it feels pointless to even begin. 

I find myself brushing things off for another day, losing the sense of urgency that accompanies meeting deadlines. It’s not that I don’t want to be productive, it’s that I can’t. My motivation is nearly gone, depleted by academic agendas and societal pressures. By stressing the importance of a career, it has been emptied of significance, of value. And without value, there is no need for productivity. 

When motivation disappears it leaves behind guilt. I often feel selfish for indulging in something that isn’t superficially beneficial to my existence. Leisure is viewed as a plague of lethargy. It is looked down upon, ridiculed, to pursue desires. Instead, society thrives on accomplishments, forgetting that under labor lies individuals. 

We believe prominence requires action and sleepless nights. But zealous labor is distracting—artificial. Constant occupation is instead capitalizing time for profit. People are more than industry; they’re vivid beings with complex perceptions. Accomplishment shouldn’t exist for fulfillment, but as a product of pursuing passion. 

So yes, sometimes I cry. Because motivation lacks vitality and success doesn’t mean happiness. The pressure to be productive is absent of humanity, absent of meaning. Rather than sacrificing our desires for material success, humans should have confidence in their own sentiments. 

While it does feel awful to be deserted by motivation, it’s not hopeless. Humans have to stop viewing life as a series of events and understand that happiness is attainable through authenticity.