Letter to My Past Self: Don’t Look Up the Ending!

Hey you! I know your dirty little secret, that terrible little habit of yours. You hide it under the covers, afraid others will see your fingers tip tapping away on Google. Yes indeed, you are notoriously impatient, and consequently the greatest self-spoiler of movies there is. 

At this point in time, you will find nothing wrong with this trait. You like the security of certainty. Who doesn’t? Curiosity isn’t a crime after all! But it did kill that one cat. So perhaps there is a lesson to be learned here. 

Soon you will realize that there are no search engines that can ease your worries about things like the future, life, and identity. For a long time you will feel disheartened, lost even, by this reality. Your head will be filled with so many questions and not nearly enough answers. 

Growing up is nothing like the perfect linear timelines you see in those coming-of-age films. Afterall, I’m still figuring things out today. There are moments of triumph and failure, immaturity and growth, heartbreak and love, confusion and clarity. 

I wish I could be there to hold you when you’ll need it most, when you’re alone and questioning what’s next. You’ll break and pick up the pieces with bloody hands. There’ll be countless times you put yourself back together without anyone seeing the cracks. But slowly, piece by piece, you’ll begin to let others help clean up. Your hands will heal, and so will your heart. 

When you realize you were made to live dynamically—to stumble, create, discover, and love—it will be glorious. 

Things will never turn out just the way you expect them. I suppose that’s the only thing that can be expected! So embrace it, and remember that each step forward brings you closer to the acceptance and joy you’ve always craved. 

Today I’m still a bit impatient and guilty of seeking out the occasional movie spoiler. Though no longer do I rely on it, because now I let my curiosity guide me toward discovery and new outlooks. 

Life is meant to be lived wondrously. Some things are best experienced organically. The future looks bright, dear one, so just hold on a little tighter.